As much as I complain about homesickness, I have no regrets about the time I have spent overseas. I may not know everything about this continent but it has ceased to be a mystery. I am as confident here, as I am back home.

I still cringe everytime I think about the experiences I have had. I made several wrong turns but those have made the whole acculturation process more interesting and my whole being, stronger. It may sometimes get lonely but one thought keeps me alive– that, in a few years, we would be leaving Germany and settling back home.

Now everyone, sing with me…

Manila, I keep coming back to Manila
Simply no place like Manila
Manila I’m coming home

…

Hinahanap-hanap kita Manila
Ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga
Mga jeepney mong nagliliparan
Mga babae mong naggagandahan
Take me back in your arms Manila
and promise me you’ll never let go
Promise me you’ll never let go

Have you ever felt the urge to just bonk someone in the head and blurt out magpakatotoo ka! (be true to yourself!) to them?

Our flight from HK-Manila was filled with fellow balikbayans coming from all over the world. I do not know if some of them are just plain show-offs (which is pointless since most of those in the plane were all also coming from abroad) OR, they just choose not to take pride in their Pinoy-ness. Even objective J was irked with their presence: bragging, loud voices, Pinoy group speaking to each other in English with their put-on American accent, and real thick Pinoy accent coming to surface from time to time. These same people lined up at the immigration with their blue passports ostentatiously displayed.

J and I truly appreciate people like Michelle and Cia. Girls who moved to the US very early in their lives but are not ashamed of their Pinoy identity.

I guess, people have the choice how they label themselves. Brown American. Asian-American. Filipino-American. Filipino. Americans of Filipino ancestry. I just find it funny that some people are quick to label themselves Americans even if they are still PH passport holders and are, as they say, fresh off the boat. On the other hand, there are those who are US passport holders and were raised in the US and call themselves Filipinos.

With Cia (in white halter beside me) and her friends. Alabang Town Center.
After 2 cancellations, we were finally able to meet shortly before her flight back to NY.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Walking hand-in-hand with J in Glorietta. Suddenly… “AnP!”
Looked blankly at this short-haired young girl who called my attention.
It was Toni, one of those who I missed meeting the other day.
She looks a lot fresher, younger and prettier in person. I felt like the jurassic of the blogging world next to her. hehe.

Guk mal! Da! Auto Ja Nein Mehr are just some of the words that my son has been using. Even his way of catching our attention is in German. He says Hallo instead of Hello. When he falls down, he says hopalla instead of the easier ooops.

I know that he will grow up to be multilingual, slowly but surely. Tagalog and English should also be part of his life. Apart from that, Filipino culture should also be imbued in him. However, I still cannot stop my heart from literally aching everytime I hear him speak more German. And, even this early, I can see him becoming more and more German. He is half German and we do live in Germany. This is our reality. I may have already accepted that fact but… I still cannot stop myself from wanting to call it unfair that he is more German than Filipino. The immature part of me, would want everything to be equal. That he gets his fair share of my culture. But, sadly, that is not how it works. I am outnumbered. By the influence of his environment, more than anything else.

I am not saying that it is bad for him to be more German than Filipino. Just that, in my mind and in my heart, I would have wanted him to be more Filipino. After all, isn’t our home country and our own culture always the best in our eyes? And the longer that I am away from the Philippines and the Filipinos, the truer it is.

My sister and I were wracking our brains for countries which may be classified as color-blind. France and the Netherlands were mentioned. But, they are not quite there yet. For now.

I get all strung up every time I feel that I am being discriminated against. I’ll go righteous on someone if that person dare say something about my being Asian. Although, I distinctly remember answering someone with an “I’m Asian” retort when asked why I was thin. A lot of people have also pigeonholed me as a subservient wife and a great cook, among other “typical Asian” qualities. Fact is, I am aggressive and lazy as hell.

If directed at me, I get angry if the stereotype is negative and all proud if it is something positive.

And the buck doesn’t stop there. Watch me walk and swerve as soon as I see a black guy walking towards me. See my nose flare as soon as I see an Arabian looking guy board the plane with me. Hear me speak English whenever I am in the presence of snooty Germans. Read my mind whenever a blonde woman makes a mistake.

The world is bombarded (by media, maybe?) with simplistic images full of stereotypes. Judgment based on insufficient facts. The sad fact is that people keep on perpetuating these inaccuracies. Myself, included.

Driver abruptly stops the car, shortly before the gate that has yet to completely open.

AnP: *gasps*
Officemate #1: gago!
Officemate #2: ulol!

What is wrong with this picture? I was the only Filipino in the car.

If any of these guys meet another Filipino somewhere, they’d be surprised how much tagalog words these guys know. Not just swear words, though. They know quite a lot. That’s what happens when you sit in the same office room with me for 3 years.

Our office is so international, you’d hear more than 3 languages in one day. I work for the European headquarters of a big Japanese company. Our office is in Frankfurt. I have 3 bosses: one Spanish, one Japanese and one half-American/half-German guy. The girl from customer service is half-Hungarian/half-German and she speaks fluent French, Russian and Hungarian, apart from German and English. The head of the Technical Department is Turkish. Cool, eh?

I have learned not to take people at face value. It is always important to look for subtle clues which could lead you to a person’s real character. One of the things that I learned here in Germany. A smile directed my way may mean that you are friendly but, it doesn’t translate that you are “mabait”. Never again. I have been disappointed so many times that I’d rather be skeptical in the beginning. J always tells me “to stop being so German”. I can’t help it. It’s a form of self-preservation.

Same goes for former friends who have disappointed me big time. Sorry but, I refuse to be altruistic for someone who has deceived me and has lost my respect. Oh yea, kissing my ass is not going to work either!

I can almost hear someone say, “there goes AnP again!”. I know, I know! I should stop blogging like a petulant kid.

I do try to be nice, though. My friends can attest to that. Just that I always have to have an opinion about everything. I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I swear, one of these days, I will be in deep shit for acting like this. Especially, since I am exactly the same with everyone. You got that right, I even have problems with authority. I remember my very first Japanese boss here at F. At his farewell party, he told everyone that there were moments when he didn’t know anymore who the boss is - he (him?) or yours truly. It is sooo me to always answer back. Again, how old am I?!

I like to talk. Even to complete strangers, I would not hesitate to respond to a curious person’s inquiry. Lest, said stranger is a leering Opa (Lolo).

One of the things that I miss about the Philippines are the kinda-intrusive but still welcome comments and questions from strangers. I do not get enough of that here in Germany. Except, of course, whenever I am with JP. I guess, alone, I am not interesting at all.

In parties, it is different, though. One of the good things about being foreign is that I am (sometimes) more interesting. The fact that I am different gives everyone an easy topic to start a conversation with and help break the ice. Discussing about the differences in culture and language could lead to a very lively discussion. Although, a lot of times I get some really strange questions. I’ve been offended before but, now that I think about it, I guess I was just being too sensitive. Most of said comments were not meant to offend. They were just uninformed about us, Pinoys.

P.S. If you’d listen to J answer some of these questions, you’d think the Philippines is a first world country, bigger than the US, with beaches prettier than Hawaii, filled with good but cheap stuff and full of extremely friendly people.

According to the official website of the Department of Foreign Affairs, one of their core efforts is “to promote the welfare of Filipinos through assistance to nationals abroad and effective delivery of consular services“.

Rigggghhhht…
I have my axe to grind with some of the Philippine Embassy staff. For the past decade, I have visited the embassy/consulate (Frankfurt, Bonn, Washington DC and Seoul) or have attended some affair organized by them. All of them were lessons in keeping my disappointments and temper in check. To think, their supposed glamorous job is to help the Filipinos who are based abroad. They are not there to act high and mighty. Or act like, langaw na naka-patong sa kalabaw!

I’ve often wondered if some of these people have forgotten the basic good manners and right conduct whenever they “serve” us. If it is that difficult for them to “inform” Pinoys in need without sounding condescending.

Some of these people seriously need to be knocked off their high horses. And I am not just talking about the higher ups.

PS. I am sure that there are exceptions. Just that I have been unlucky in meeting any of them.

PPS. In fairness, I did MEET one. Back in 2000, Consul Sta. Maria of the Bonn Consulate was kind enough to advice me about marrying a foreigner.

I was raised this way and look how i turned out…
My way is better, yours will not work!

Cultural differences rearing it’s ugly head.

I have never ever been seriously/romantically involved with anyone raised in the same culture as I. Apart from J, I’ve only had 3 other serious boyfriends/near-marriage (had it progressed into the next level, it would be in the same breath as near-death!) experience and all of them were with non-Filipinos. Non-Asians, even. I’ve had years of experience. Inter-cultural relationship should be my thing. I should be good at this, right? Wrong!

My marriage is, mainly, based on our cultural differences in every sense of the word. We revel in our differences and eagerly learn more about the other. It seems more challenging since it involves adjustment between two people from different ethnic, religious, socio-political backgrounds. BUT, with these challenges comes countless arguments and misunderstandings brought about by exactly the same factors that makes it interesting.

In my opinion, this kind of relationship requires more patience and understanding. But, it is workable. J and I have found a way to go around it. If one of us starts to react negatively, the puzzled party (why the heck are you angry now?! kind of reaction) should act like he/she is waving a flag. This “white flag” gives the other a chance to explain further while the other tries to breathe deeply and understand more. It works. It got rid of most of our OA dramas. Most, not all.

Our marriage is still a work in progress. We are creating our own culture by compromising or deciding which one works for us. Both of us are consciously trying to be more open so our relationship will continue to flourish and grow. And just like any other marriages, not just interracial ones, we both just need to work harder and put in more effort.

Now showing
AnP vs. J
Culture Clash: JP’s University education IV

Looks can be deceiving. From the physical point of view, you’d immediately think J is pure German. He’s not. He is half-German, half-Filipino. German outside and Pinoy inside. hehe

J’s as pinoy as can be. Too bad, he can’t really speak Tagalog. His nuances when he speaks English is so Pinoy though. Despite having been influenced by America for years, my Pinoyness of course, still stands out and even imposes itself on my hubby. I am glad because this means that it would be the same with my son. He may not be in the Philippines (for now!) but he will still grow up in a household with strong Filipino values. Although, if he ever later practices bahala na, that would not be my influence. It would be from J. I am too anal for that. Plan in advance with plans A to C, that’s me.

Update: Yes, Ravissant, JP (and even J) will definitely be learning tagalog from me.